Don’t worry, you can get back into your grass skirt right after this press conference

Look, when you asked if I wanted a black man’s balls pressed against my face…

"That's his hand on my shoulder, right?"

That’s great, now do ‘You Sexy Thing’!

"Can you dance, too?"

I’ve caught another one!

"Get the net, this one's wearing a tie!"

You think this is good, wait till I do my face

"Look, black hands! No, wait, Jazz hands! Er, what is it again?"

I don’t care, I’m not taking my eyes off the valuables

"Now both of you stand there and look uncomfortable. Good."

Now get out there and tell them how awesome I am!

"One word out of place and I'll have you sent back"

This one actually smells like a white person

"If you go for my wallet I'll have you killed."

No, YOU stop squeezing first

"Nice to meet you Mr Obama."

This one thinks he can be the boss, ha!

"Does he not realise FIFA elections contain only one white man?"